Colonel K, MA...... à la française

I was reading the Washington Post Express on Thursday morning when I stumbled across an ad for a Nuite Carte Blanche at the Alliance Francaise de Washington. More specifically, guests were asked to bring their favorite electronic songs on an I-Pod so that the DJ could play them over the PA. For a small fee you could sip wine or margaritas and munch on hors d'oeuves. But most importantly, the event was an opportunity to speak French with native speakers, Francophiles and those who are trying to remember the four or five years of French they learned at school. I decided go because I was unable to head to New York to see 100dBs, Ryan O'Neil and Outputmessage do their thing in the LES.

NOTE:
Strangely enough, I recently turned in a final essay that dissected the influence of Mp3 blogs and MySpace on the French underground electronic scene. I managed to cobble together enough resources to make that paper fit the rather hazy criteria that was given to us by the prof. I never thought that I'd have an opportunity to spit some facts about how Ed Banger remixes are a sign of increased cultural exchange.

A healthy number of people were milling around the front room when I arrived a little after 7pm. I paid my entrance fee and began with the uncomfortable task of mingling. Despite my chatty nature, I am still quite self-conscious when it comes to bullshitting during the first few minutes of conversation. It's in situations like these that I tend to rely on other people to make things happen. Thankfully, I was approached by Mark and Sarah, a couple of friends who'd spent extended periods of time in Dakar, Senegal. We spent an unusually long time talking about architecture and morality because the two of them had studied urban planning and development. After a few drinks, we decided to part ways and mingle because it seemed somewhat anti-social to post up in a corner.

By this time it was....well who the fuck remembers what time it was....the MCs began to announce the songs that would be played from MP3 players. A few people were called up to briefly discuss their choices. Not wishing to be outdone, I quickly filled out a small sheet of paper and handed in my song selections. I don't know if it was my diplomatic skills or good taste that got me added to the queue, but the staff were super cool about it. To make things even better, they put the names of our songs on a projection screen (see photograph above).

My three songs:
1. St. Etienne feat. Moira Lambert "Only Love Can Break Your Heart"
2. Cabaret Voltaire "Yashar"
3. Sarah Nixey "Beautiful Oblivion"

Say.....I've just realized that the first two groups are English bands with French names. Either way, I was more than pleased to contribute to the festivities. And, as a bonus all the amateur "DJs" were rewarded with a bottle of Merlot and invitations to another upcoming musical celebration being hosted by the Alliance. For this, I have to give a grand "Merci" to Sylvain and his two immaculately dressed colleagues. Fucking 'ell, can't remember their names. Now I see why everyone in DC has a card....



After enjoying my minutes and seconds of fame, I took up conversation with two Indian girls with very French names, Elise and Cecille. Comically enough, the two of them also share very D.C biographies: Elise is a student, while Cecille works for Department of Commerce. We did the usual meet and greet and ping-ponged between French and English and eventually the conversation veered towards music. I casually slipped in some references to my blog and my band. Remember, this music shit is all about hustlin'.Look, you've gotta create a public image. Shameless self promotion is the key to expanding one's audience.
I also ended up chatting with Nell, a student at the American University in Paris. Normally people go to AUP for a semester or year abroad, but she was actually doing her degree over there. Her accent was so convincingly Parisian that I kept having flashbacks of my grey days spent at the Centre Pompidou. Somewhere in the middle of this exchange I was pleased to spot Becca, Alexandra and their unruly mob, which included Gavin and Fritz. I swear, this lot are omnipresent. Any big event within a 20 mile radius of the area, they're all present. First and foremost, I apologized to the girls for all the racket that comes out of their basement (I am in a band with their housemate). They laughed it off, but noted that my bandmate does have a tendency to play music at very odd hours.




For whatever reason, happenings like this do not stretch late into the night. I surmise that it has something to do with the fact that many Embassy Row affiliated buildings are housed in a super residential neighborhood. Rather than go home and collapse, I decided it would be best to ride the tiger on this one. I quickly collected business cards and info from from the Alliance (all of this regarding the planning for my band's Bastille Day show) and made moves. I went home, dropped off my bags, took off my blazer, threw on my Supreme hat and decided to continue the week long party that has been my post-graduation celebration at a nearby watering hole.

COMING SOON: THE RETURN OF COLONEL K

Ladies and Gentlemen

Due to illness, academic responsibilities and other unexpected delays, there have been no updates here at Colonel K. But I have a truckload of good news to dump upon you.
First and foremost, next week I will be completing my coursework at the George Washington University here in Washington DC. On May 18th I'll be receiving my masters degree from the Elliott School of International Affairs.

Alright, Alright, Congratulations. But, um, what exactly does this mean?

1. More time to spend on the blog
2. More time to spend working on music...

Wait a minute hang on?

Yep. Yours truly has joined a band called Ra-Ra Rasputin. I'm not sure how to describe our sound, but I play guitar and bass, and me and the drummer have been listening to a lot of Talking Heads (circa Fear of Music/Remain In Light).
We're going to be playing our first show on June 14th at Wonderland Ballroom in Columbia Heights, Washington, DC. More information coming soon.
Until then, feel free to check out our blog here.

Yours truly,
Colonel K

US VISA POLICY 101: How Not to Tour the United States

Scottish indie rock quartet the View have cancelled an upcoming tour of the United States, citing visa application troubles.
In August of 2006, lead singer/guitarist Kyle Falconer was arrested following a performance at Dundee University. The singer admitted to having 2.595 grams (0.1 oz) of cocaine, an amount carrying a street value of £150.
Earlier this year, Falconer appeared in Dundee Sheriff's Court where he pleaded guilty to possession of a Class A drug. His lawyer begged for an absolute discharge, citing that a drug conviction would make it difficult for the singer and his group to fulfill touring commitments in the United States. The request was denied and Mr. Falconer was convicted and given a £1,000 fine.

Unfortunately for the View and their American fans, Mr. Falconer's lawyer was right. A spokesperson for the group recently announced the cancellation of all North American dates, due to "continuing visa and immigration issues." The tour was scheduled to begin on April 30th in Cambridge, MA.



You may be a bit befuddled as to how or why this happened. But readers rejoice, for you no longer have to dwell in the darkness that is US visa policy. The following essay will provide you with a very basic guide to the application process.
By doing this, I hope to shed some light as to why the View will not be bringing their unique brand of tight-pants-scarecrow rawk to a small sweaty venue near you.

DISCLAIMER: I am not an officially licensed/recognized specialist in US Visa policy nor am I an immigration lawyer. All of the information below has been cobbled together from official government documents and two years experience working at the International Services Office at the George Washington University.

APPLICATION:
There are a plethora of immigration classifications and visa categories listed at the US Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) website. Any group that wishes to perform concerts in the US must apply for a an O or P Visa, both of which have sub-categories designated for artists and entertainers.
First and foremost, the group (or their lawyers) must submit an I-129 form, a petition for non immigrant workers. This is a lengthy and detailed document that must be prepared with great care, for any mistakes could result in the denial of the application and a delay in the visa application process.
Once the I-129 form is approved by USCIS, the group may then arrange for a visa appointment.
Visa appointments can be scheduled at a United States embassy or consulate. The consular officer is the embassy official who is responsible for reviewing all visa applications. This individual must thoroughly examine the I-129, the itinerary and any other relevant documents pertaining to the tour. The applicants must not only supply the appropriate papers, but also be prepared to answer any questions about their finances, reasons for touring, criminal history or participation in terrorist organizations (I'm not kidding).
If the consular officer is provided with sufficient evidence that the artists are eligible for temporary work in the United States, each member of the group and their staff (roadies, tour managers,t-shirt guy, etc.) will get the appropriate visa laminated into their passports.


(Example of a B-2 Visa: For temporary visitors for pleasure)

DENIAL:
So why was Kyle Falconer denied a visa?
Because information about the denial has not been made public, we can only speculate as to why the consular officer said "No." Thankfully, a list of common reasons for visa denial is available on the USCIS website.

Section 212(a) of the Immigration and Nationality act reads:
Classes of Aliens Ineligible for Visas or Admission.
Except as otherwise provided in this Act, aliens who are inadmissible under the following paragraphs are ineligible to receive visas and ineligible to be admitted to the United States.

Section 212(a)(23) Renders inadmissible aliens who have been convicted of a violation or conspiracy to violate any law or regulation relating to the illicit possession of, or traffic in, narcotic drugs or marijuana.

Again, because I'm not an expert, I can't tell you if it was only Kyle who was denied a visa. It is very possible that the rest of the group were also denied visas because of Kyle. Either way, it's pretty safe to assume that the drug conviction played a big role in the consular officer's "No" decision.

THE FUTURE:
Thankfully, the View will probably not be forever barred from entering the United States. Hell, if all foreign artists with drug convictions were denied touring visas, then Keith Richards and Paul McCartney would not be as rich as they are today. Nonetheless, Kyle Falconer will have to announce his conviction the next time he applies for a visa. But with good behavior (and the passing of time) he and his band should be able to gain access to the lucrative US touring market.
For now, young Kyle will have to beat himself up over the fact that his bad luck cost the View a late spring/early summer tour of the only country that's open 24/7/365 all the time.

LINKS:
United States Citizenship and Immigration Services
United States Immigration and Nationality Act (This is an older version. There have been several updates and corrections since)

The View's Official Website
"The View Cancel US Tour Again" from NME, April 4th 2007
"The View Frontman Convicted of Cocaine Possession", from Spin, March 2nd 2007

Nouveau Riche at DC9 March 31, 2007

My last visit to DC9 left a rather sour taste in my mouth.
I had tickets to see Asobi Seksu, and because doors weren't till very late in the evening, I decided to kill some time at the bar downstairs. To make my alcoholic experience a bit more enjoyable, I downloaded the Rolling Stones' "Miss You” on the digital jukebox and proceeded to sing along while sipping on a cheap domestic:

What’s the matter man?
We gone come round 12 with some Puerto Rican girls who’s just dyinnnn to meet you.
We gone bring a case of wine!
We gonna mess around, fool around just like we used to!

One of the bartenders, a diehard Star Wars junkie, disagreed with my choice of song and began ranting about people not being old enough to remember Return of the Jedi. He promptly interrupted my selection to put on theme to the most annoying trilogy of movies ever made. The bastard interrupted the Stones at the disco-funkiest! If was a bit drunker and about a foot taller, there woulda been a rumble. Instead I quietly vowed to avoid the downstairs bar at any and all costs.

Anyway, back to the story at hand.

I stopped attending indie dance nights in DC when I graduated from U-Maryland in 2004. When I started college, the local nightlife was still concentrated in Dupont Circle, Georgetown and Adams-Morgan. Therefore, monthly events like the Black Cat's Mousetrap and Metro Cafe's Panic! were welcome changes of scenery.
Inevitably, the popularity of such events led to their multiplication. At last count, the Black Cat hosts no less than four dance nights a month, and none of them is remarkably different from the other. And thanks to gentrification, bars in once seedy neighborhoods like Shaw and the H-Street corridor have joined in on the racket. Every other night, somebody is hosting a second-rate party featuring crap DJs spinning exactly the same shit. The proliferation of such unoriginal evenings resulted in my disillusion with dance nights, and I promptly restricted my sorties to hip-hop house parties and tiny neighborhood bars with good jukeboxes.


(an earlier flier)

Nouveau Riche seems to be a welcome change from the awkward indie stomping that has dominated the Capital for the last three or four years. Hosted by a troika of funky monks, Nouveau Riche is a monthly event that is currently being held at DC9. So instead of being something weekly event that’s dependable and easy to take for granted, it is a happening that carries a mild sense of urgency.
Musically, the lads mixed it up with a variety of grimy club tracks, indie electronica and the occasional forgotten pop gem. Funny, I never thought I'd find myself shufflin' my feet to "In A Big Country."
Attendance was pretty good. At peak, the upstairs room was about three-quarters full yet here was more than enough breathing room. I was told that there were free Sparks being given out before 10pm, but I didn't get there till a little after 11, so I ended up paying for my drinks, dammit. Nonetheless, I was digging the ambiance. On the projection screens, images from The Undersea World of Jacques Cousteau created a soothing visual contrast to the electronic thumps and pulses that emanated from the speakers. And I certainly don’t doubt that the arrival of spring was helping everybody's mood. In fact, I only managed to spot one sour face all evening.
Dancing? Mmmm, yea, I danced a little bit, but I spent most of the evening posted up in the corner playing Mr. Cool. I was attempting to recover from a serious cold, so I was limiting my movement to foot tapping, head nodding and the occasional hip turn or thrust; enough movement to show interest in the music, but not enough to scare some of the white folk.
Overall it was a good experience and something I could see myself attending Nouveau Riche in the near future. Hopefully, next time I won't spend half the night hacking up a lung.
Oh, and coming sometime this week, I will post my epic essay about a recent trip to my ancestral village of New York, where I attended a stunning performance by 100dBs and Ryan O'Neil.

LINKS:
Nouveau Riche Website. Podcasts, Photos and all.

DC9

Why Won’t Kele Okerere Won’t Keep His Mouth Closed?

It took a while for me to get into Bloc Party. When they started getting a lot of hype in late 2004, I dismissed them as another boring post-punk guitar band from the UK. But after a few repeated listens of Silent Alarm, they grew on me. I finally broke down and admitted that they wrote catchy songs and that they weren’t as derivative of Gang of Four as their contemporaries. Moreover, I found their singer, Kele Okerere, to be a fascinating character. I mean, here was this middle-class Anglo-Nigerian who was playing good rock music and not relying on his heritage as a crutch. At the time, I thought he was a terrific inspiration for all of us African rockers who were attempting to reconcile our indigenous cultures with those of our adopted Western homes (be they here in the States or in the lands of our former European colonial masters).

Kele was a particularly brash young lad when it came to doing interviews. During the first few months of Bloc Party’s career, he claimed that he was uninterested in discussing fashion or celebrity gossip. He was fiery and argumentative and openly voiced his displeasure with daft comments or questions that probed a little bit too deeply into his personal life. Without a doubt, his responses were a welcome departure from the dull, prepackaged dribble that one gets used to reading in the music press.



But lately, I’ve been turned off by a lot of the comments that Kele has been making. This morning, for example, I was particularly annoyed at his response to Noel Gallagher’s comment that Bloc Party are “indie shit”:

"I think Oasis are the most overrated and pernicious band of all time. They had a totally negative and dangerous impact upon the state of British music."

Mr. Okerere decided to take things even further and accused Oasis of making stupidity hip. He also chided the group for their Beatle worship and denounced the Gallagher Brothers as “repetitive Luddites."
Now there’s certainly some truth to these comments, but three things came to mind as I read The Guardian while eating breakfast this morning.
First of all, Kele is not saying anything new. Damon Albarn and Alex James made similar comments during Blur’s mid 1990s feud with Oasis. At least they occasionally had a sense of humor about it.
Second, by making these comments Kele has degraded himself to the level of the typical, gossip-obsessed pop stars that he once derided. There was no need for him to respond to an offhanded comment with such vitriol.
And finally, it should be noted that stupidity was “hip” long before Oasis came crashing onto the scene. Kele should be so fortunate that he did not have to endure the countless idiotic hardcore bands that have roamed the United States since the late 1980s.
Kele’s petty arguing and pretentious, pseudo-intellectual babble only helps to underscore Noel Gallagher’s quip that Bloc Party are a gang of rejects from University Challenge (UK equivalent of College Bowl). What is Kele saying that one thousand other second rate indie groups from the back pages of NME haven't already said?
Nothing, that's what.
He's a pretentious man/boy with a big mouth.There is nothing special about him and I withdraw any ideological support that I once had for him. I will, however, keep buying his albums.
NOTE:
Please don’t get the impression that I ever worshipped Kele Okerere; my Ugandan pride would never allow me to stoop to that level. I’m just disappointed in the guy, that’s all. I could easily devote several pages to why Kele’s nonsense is so troubling, but rather than waste my time, I’ll allow you to compare and contrast the following comments:

"Why is it important to know what I had for breakfast? Or who I went to bed with? Or what sneakers I am wearing? If it's relevant to understanding my music, then so be it. But if it's purely to satisfy the media's obsession with celebrity, then no thanks. I don't want to play that game."
-Skyskraper Magazine 2005

“I used to wear Converse all the time, but the support is bad. A friend of mine got these Dunlop shoes for me in Melbourne, and they’re incredibly comfortable. There’s something about dirty white shoes that I like”
-Rolling Stone February 22nd 2007

Is the difference between Dunlop and Converse really relevant to the release of your most recent album? I really doubt it. Piss off, you hypocrite.

SOURCE


Photos Courtesy of Sophie Jarry's Blog

Jurassic 5 Are Breaking Up: So What....

Underwhelming hip-hop group Jurassic 5 are calling it a day. Member Soup announced that the group plans to disband upon returning from a Far East tour.

Ummmmmm. OK

Jurassic 5 will probably be best remembered for their cool t-shirt designs and college hip-hop credibility. They were the sorta group that backpackers loved to namecheck when talking amongst themselves:

"Son, I'm, like, really into hip-hop, and I'm just totally feelin' that real shit.I don't really like Jay-Z or none of that negative shit. I'm into underground and that's it?"

Like their fans, Jurassic 5 were high on themselves for being indie. But in reality, they were a dull West Coast collective that failed to offer a viable alternative to the order of the day. Production wise, they were on point. Lyrically, their shit was preachy, dull and occasionally a bit corny. Good background music, but nothing classic.

If you really want fun and progressive West Coast hip-hop,head north to the Bay Area. Home of Too Short, Hieroglyphics and E-40 and his merry pranksters of Hyphy.

SOURCE

The Struggle Continues: Viacom Sues YouTube Over Video Clips

Viacom, the parent company of MTV and Comedy Central, sued Google (which recently acquired YouTube) in federal court today, citing “massive intentional copyright infringement.”

Because the two parties have failed to arrive at some sort of licensing agreement, Viacom has decided to go to court. Funny, because YouTube is doing what cable networks fail to do on a daily basis: provide programming that people actually want to watch.
From a legal standpoint, Viacom certainly has a case. And while this is nothing that YouTube hasn't faced before, this lawsuit has serious implications for those of us who love:

A) Music Videos
B) Re-runs of Chappelle's show (Sorry, I don’t own the DVDs)

During the last fifteen years, MTV and VH-1 have come depressing parodies of themselves. Thanks to the success of The Real World and Behind The Music, Viacom executives decided to gradually shift away from exclusively music based programming. As a result, both networks hold the dubious honor of broadcasting some of the most inane, pointless and degrading shit in the history of television. Today's youngsters know MTV as the home of white-washed teen dramas and VH-1 as a dumping ground for washed up celebrities.
Oh, and Comedy Central? Well I dunno about you, but I'm not really a fan of seeing the same re-runs of Mind of Mencia four times in same week.
Shit, I almost forgot BET, which was bought by Viacom. Well, at least they show videos. My only gripe is that they cancelled BET Uncut. Then again, after you see Nelly swipe a credit card down the crack of a woman's ass, can you really take hip hop seriously?

Viacom said today that nearly 160,000 clips of its programming have been available on YouTube and that they had been viewed more than 1.5 billion times

I’m going to be slightly unprofessional for a minute and take this time to say “Fuck Viacom.” Save for BET and VH-1 Classic (which you have to special order from the cable company) none of their networks show music videos anymore. Where the hell else am I gonna be able to watch Eddy Grant’s surreal protest video for “Electric Avenue”??????

Source: New York Times, 13th March 2007

Eddy Grant “Electric Avenue”

E40 "Tell me When to Go"

When Ghostriding the Whip Goes HORRRRRIBLY WRONG